Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
