Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize