found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize