I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
