I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
