best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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