You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Randomize
