I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
