I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
