just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize