you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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