why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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