shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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