it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize