just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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