Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
