Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
