Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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