Screwed.edu
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I will be naked everywhere
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
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