I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize