I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
