my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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