Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
