My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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