it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
