i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
