I hate your face
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize