3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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