im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's rum buckets o'clock
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
