who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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