I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
