are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It's just like the Real World with babies
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
