I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
