Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
