New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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