The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
