im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize