Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sarcasm needs its own font
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
