New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
