Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
