I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
