dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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