just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
