so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i wish my penis had a tongue
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize
