i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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