I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
