I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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