yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
