its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
