i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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