I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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