Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
