..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
