My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize