I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
