So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
