You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
