I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
