this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
