The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
