do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
