so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
