my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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