i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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