My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
My bed is full of blood and feathers
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
