I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
