John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
