I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
