Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
