Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
