Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize