Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
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