no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
