he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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