I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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