I love having hate sex.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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