I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
