yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
