omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
