This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
