her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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