I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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