Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
