all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
