Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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