i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Can I color on your dick again?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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