apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
