How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's rum buckets o'clock
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
