i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
