my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
