One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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