I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
