Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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