his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
