and you said cock pushups were impossible
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
