You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize