ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
