so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
