If that was your dad, he is hot
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
